My wife and I visited Virginia earlier this month. It was the first time
I’d been home since I moved to Arizona in 2005. I thought this trip
was going to be a chore; if I’d liked Charlottesville, I wouldn’t
have moved 2,000 miles away from it.  But now that I think on it maybe
I was moving to stay away from an army of yuppies driving hybrids
who wielded their social conscious like a broken wine bottle.  

It turns out you can go home again, if only to visit. We had a great
time catching up with friends, taking in the sights, visiting vineyards
and historic locations.  One that pops to mind was the dorm room of
Edgar Allan Poe.  Living in Charlottesville I never appreciated it but it was
to look at it and care. I can’t say enough about the weather. Coming
back to Phoenix where it will reach 109 today was a rude awakening.

My only complaint is that we didn’t get to see every thing and
everyone we intended to. Next year we’re planning a longer trip to a
resort in Williamsburg, and anyone who wants to visit with us can come
and stay the day (or night). In the meantime, our invitation to all our
VA (and closer) friends still stands. I recommend you take advantage of the guest
room at Rancho del Cartwright in January (average high 66 degrees).
Just stay clear of the payaso carts and tarantula wasps and you'll be
fine.

Back from Salt Lake and WHC 2008.  It was heaps of fun and I am very glad I went.  I caught up with friends, made new ones and accomplished a ton.  When I don't feel like a tired puddle of goo I'll post more and share some photos.

Here's a picture to tide you over:



No sideburns were harmed in the making of this photo.

I’ve heard it said that someone does not truly become an adult until he acquires a piece of furniture that has never belonged to anyone else. If that is true, I suppose I grew up a couple years back when my wife and I purchased our very own bed. It’s an OK bed. King-sized, with a box spring and everything. However, when I have company I can’t very well say, hey, wanna see the bed? There’s room for the dog to stretch out! Company, until recently, was consigned to the sofa we picked up at Goodwill during a half-price sale. We tended to invite people out rather than over.

..">
Last week was city bulk trash pickup and it was decided that the old sofa was going to be deposited on the curb (along with a secondhand meat-smoker that we never got around to using - but that’s another blog). Our choices were a) purchase several plastic "Herman" chairs at Ikea, slap some cushions on them and tell visitors that we were going for the Stadium-Style Seating that was so hot in Sweden this year; b) cover our tile floors with colorful rugs and cushions and brag about our minimalist eastern-inspired lifestyle; or c) man up and buy some actual gol-durned furniture.
..">
Over lunch at our favorite Indian restaurant, my wife and I were talking about what kind of living room furniture would fit into the mod motif we’d been idly planning for two years. We decided we wanted it to be red, and that meant Ikea. We planned on driving over later that day and picking up an Ektorp or maybe a Yergenbjernenassensiten. On our way back to the car we noticed one of those national chain furniture shops right next door to Maharaja Palace and stopped in just to look. Right through the door the first thing we saw was this overstuffed suede-looking chair next to a sign that said we couldn’t possibly afford it. Then serendipitously a gregarious Englishman approached us and started to explain how it was such a great set. How it was so comfortable and easy to clean.

Here, try it out. Go ahead. I know it’s rather spendy, but would you consider another color?

If you buy this set in red, we’re practically giving it away.

It took approximately 7.4 seconds to complete that transaction.
..

This past weekend my wife and I packed ourselves into the car and drove out to the Ye Olde Arizona Renaissance Festivale and Artisan Shoewe. (Bizarre spelling mine. Mostly.) I'd never been to one of these before and I had plenty of preconceived notions. My wife, a veteran festival goer, couldn't dissuade me of these notions. Not because she tried and I wouldn't listen, but because they were all pretty damned accurate.

There were folks in all manner of costume - most of which seemed to have very little to do with the actual renaissance. Trannies dressed like Queen Elizabeth (I saw at least two of these). The seven foot tall guy dressed like a viking. Goth girls in black fairy wings. And of course, the inevitable brace of women trying to recreate a medieval wardrobe malfunction.

I didn't see any obvious Goreans. I have been told that these people show up at every Renaissance Fair in the world, and ruin them for everyone else. I have also been told the Goreans will probably show up later - yesterday was the "family friendly" opening day - but that the Arizona fair is big enough that no one group of people can ruin anything.

I also didn't see a single Klingon. My wife tells me she has never seen a Klingon at the Ren Fair. I wonder how this can be possible. Put any group of people in a costume-friendly environment and there will be at least one Klingon. I once attended a Civil War re-enactment in which one of the Confederate Soldiers couldn't get his cap on over his KLINGON HEADPIECE.

The Greyhound Guild were there with their plethora of skinny puppies. These folks are more than happy to tell you about their dogs, all former racers now in loving homes. The dogs are absolute sweethearts who stare until you pet them and just want you to come close enough so they can lean against you. The dogs have a big room of their own at the fair, covered in cushy pillows and with plenty of food, water, toys and treats. 100% of donations made to the Guild go to Greyhound Rescue organizations. If you have an opportunity to attend an event where the Guild will be present, make the effort to stop by.

The festival is held about 60 miles southeast in Pinal County. The grounds are impressive with a town of permanent structures where I was expecting tents. We sampled the tasty food and drynke (bizarre spelling theirs) such as steak on a stake, a bread bowl filled with spinach and artichoke dip, and hot cinnamon almonds. I don't know if it was the blue sky, the fresh air and the green grass or if I just really wanted a cold beer - but the Smithwick's I drank was about the most refreshing beer I've had. A word to the wise - don't order the mead. The only rip-off of the day, I paid $4 American for literally a Dixie Cup of mead.

We saw two shows - Tortuga Twins and Ded Bob. Both acts are clever potty mouths in tight pants. Ded Bob is the snarkiest skeleton muppet this side of the Crypt Keeper.

It was a good time. The fair is in town through March, and we might go back. There are a few more shows I'd like to take in, and I didn't get around to eating a turkey leg.

Without links I am Male, Neither, Either and THEN female.  Yeah.

Will someone please beat the fucking Patriots?

Offer me the defeat of the Patriots through magic I will donate $1000 to charity of your choice.*



*Patriots must fucking lose to collect.

I suck.  

So Beth ad I are getting ready for the holidays which seems to consist of revising lists of what to buy people, measuring the height of our living room ceiling for the tree and trying to ride out the wave of hectic shenanigans Christmas causes at our jobs.  I'm in the print industry and she's with a wine and spirits distributor.  For bothof us this time of year is full tilt boogie.

I feel compelled to make some kind of list of my favorite books from the year or maybe talk a little about how various projects of mine are going but there will be other entries between Christmas and New Years to do that (promise).

What I'm interested in is what do the holidays mean to everybody?  How are you getting ready?

I love conventions. Love e'm. I remember being 10 years old and standing in line for a half hour to get the autograph of some chick dressed as a Klingon. I remember making my summer. My wife Beth and I will be trucking down to Tucson for TusCON 34 this weekend and we are gonna have a BLAST. It's an imperative. If any of you will be in the area or even looking for a ride let us know!

Conventions are the most infectious fun I can immediately think of. If it's old hat for you then damn it... go enjoy your old hat! Old hats are great because they are broken in and comfortable all that good stuff.

If you've never been to a Con come on! You'll have a great time and I promise Hawaiian spare ribs for dinner.*


*You must purchase your own damn ribs. I just know a place.**

**I will buy your silly ass a drink though.

<input ... >

I finished two short stories today.  One is about little gray aliens getting drunk and playing banjos in Virginia and the other is about a car dealership that caters exclusively to molesters.  I am damn pleased with both.  I gonna get them edited and then run both through a writing group once and then out they go.  Molest Motors is easily the meanest thing I've ever written.  I know there are markets for long form stuff this fiendish... wish me luck in finding a place to place a gruesome short.


Reading The Bleeding Season by Greg Gifune.  Great book Gifune reminds me of great crime novelists who belong to the past like Goodis or Woolrich.  I thought it was appropriate that he started the book with a Jim Thompson quote from The Getaway.

Off to watch Doctor Who.

Today features a three hour meeting followed by an hour and half of work and then another hour meeting.  Then I drive back to work for another four hours.  Gah.

Got my notes in order for The Pleasant Ice Cream Company and I'll be working on that over the weekend and I'm trying to decide whether to continue with this paperback copy of The Pines by Robert Dunbar.  Apparently Leisure cut over half(!) the text.  Makes me think I should just track down the Delirium edition.  Suggestions welcomed!

Didn't get home until fifteen past one.  One the outbound communte I saw a white Chevy Astro pulled over by four Phoenix PD cars and 10-12 guys in handcuffs beside the road.  Hopefully the news tomorrow will shed light.  My guess is coyote gets busted dropping the merch en route to a drop house.  Wish I had the energy to write or read right now but think it is mexican food then bed.

Started reading The Pines by Robert Dunbar.  He does a stellar job of making the pine barrens seem like the most godforsaken place in the whole of America.  Eight foot stunted trees, gray sand and dingy creeks.  Good stuff.  Must make the time for The Shore as well.

I started reading Crota by Owl Goingback.  Pretty damn fine book and I wished that I had made the time for it earlier.  I'll knock it off tonight and rummage around my 'to be read' shelf for more boogity in the woods.  Probably The Pines by Robert Dunbar.

Finished editing Wishing For Mermaids to my satisfaction and sent it out.  I don't usually go that light in theme or content but I really was feeling the whole magical realism thing. 

Beth and I roasted a chicken for dinner and drank tea out of inappropriately small cups and then watched the damn Family Guy Star Wars episode.  I don't know what I was expecting.  Neither Family Guy or Star Wars gets me going but the Chevy Chase and Rush Limbaugh guest shots got a chuckle.  This week I'll spend more time on The Pleasant Ice Cream Company and sketch out some solid stuff on a story about an enormous beaver.

Really giant beaver.